i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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