Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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