So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
