Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
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