bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
