i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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