I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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