I wish I could punch you in the face.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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