I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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