I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now