I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing