Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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