he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
