I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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