she woke up with a sticky ear
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Randomize
