remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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