i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
