paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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