very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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