Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I love you.
Bad choice
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
