I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
