My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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