Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
