Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
