who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
