I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
