Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
