I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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