i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
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I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
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If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
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