i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
