Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
