Texts From Last Night

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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"

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  (401): So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection" http://tfl.nu/al1v
  Replies (20) Good night (821) Bad night (5363)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?

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  (917 ): Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"? http://tfl.nu/0dpt
  Replies (15) Good night (549) Bad night (2756)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.

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  (541): She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it. http://tfl.nu/jrtc
  Replies (12) Good night (503) Bad night (2769)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  He is an equal opportunity slut.

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  (816): He is an equal opportunity slut. http://tfl.nu/40gq
  Replies (10) Good night (2451) Bad night (665)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.

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  (240): Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS. http://tfl.nu/2m4m
  Replies (128) Good night (27825) Bad night (2104)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer

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  (802): i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer http://tfl.nu/uupu
  Replies (16) Good night (5507) Bad night (982)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.

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  (910): I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through. http://tfl.nu/z33k
  Replies (14) Good night (1960) Bad night (4518)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch

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  (613): OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch http://tfl.nu/pswe
  Replies (7) Good night (6935) Bad night (971)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.

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  (941): Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship. http://tfl.nu/y8rh
  Replies (21) Good night (5528) Bad night (1056)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.

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  (918): he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond. http://tfl.nu/174e
  Replies (4) Good night (1757) Bad night (864)
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  (315): View more from New York

  He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...

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  (315): He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water... http://tfl.nu/f31b
  Replies (12) Good night (837) Bad night (2715)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years

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  (315): Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years http://tfl.nu/qjp6
  Replies (12) Good night (2896) Bad night (685)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm

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  (317): Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm http://tfl.nu/8nyo
  Replies (2) Good night (781) Bad night (372)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness

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  (256): Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness http://tfl.nu/eegc
  Replies (1) Good night (613) Bad night (225)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.

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  (202): It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks. (202): I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to. http://tfl.nu/wpl5
  Replies (10) Good night (1432) Bad night (594)

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