seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons