Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
