Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
