Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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