I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
4 words: hood of his car
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
