I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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