It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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