quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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