I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
