I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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