i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
