he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He has the fingertips of a God
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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