literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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