Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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