i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize