so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
