I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
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Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
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THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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