Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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