Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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