Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm getting married
To pizza
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
