Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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