i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
