we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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