Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
