Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
