If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
