so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
