My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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