and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
