she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
no you cant smoke seaweed
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
