i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
