I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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