I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
