i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
