I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
