so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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