I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I didn't notice because vodka
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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