i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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