in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
