Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
