there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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