She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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