My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
