There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
