why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
