you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
