Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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